3 short stories…

by Bash Lory

Me: “Okay, can you all please come up with one sentence using the past tense”

…….. 35 minutes later……

Me: “Finished now?”
Kids (68 of them, all about 12-13 years of age) : “Yeeeesss Siiiiirrrrrrrr”
Me: “Okay good… now.. ermm leetts havee… Evelyn, what is your sentence?”
Evelyn: “Sir, I kicked the beggar.”
Me: “You what the beggar?!”
Evelyn: “The beggar sir, I kicked him.”
Me: “…what..wait…Is that true?!.”
Evelyn: “Yes, yesterday evening sir.”
Me: “What was the beggar doing?!?”
Evelyn: “He was saying annoying stuff, like “ooooh give me moneeey uuuugggmmmm” and following, so I kicked him sir.” (the class burst in laughter)
Me: “Right.. haha..good… I mean ..the …sentence was correct…not the..kicking……..Okay! thank you Evelyn. Just erm.. you can sit down again for now.”


Principal: “Buss! Buss!”

…I hear the principal calling behind me. I turn around and see him jogging towards me. I wait a few seconds for him to reach me.

Me: “Yes! Hi!”

…principal stands in front of me for a few seconds taking a couple deep breaths (it was very hot). I wait patiently to see what he has to say.

Principal: “Buss! Hi, I go to Puerto Princesa tomorrow and need some documents.”
Me: “Of course! What documents do you need?”
Principal: “Yes” (he smiles)

… A beat… I smile back…

Me: “What documents would you like me to get for you?”
Principal: “I need documents to show to the ‘director of teaching’ to show that you are volunteer here.”

… Another beat… (I was anticipating more detail)…

Me: “Yes of course! So what documents should I bring to you?”
Principal: “Okay Buss, I need a letter of application to become volunteer here.”
Me: “Okay, no problem, I’ll print that for you this afternoon.”
Principal: “Buss, do you have a picture?”
Me: “Of myself?”
Principal: “Yes”
Me: “What, now?”
Principal: “Yes”
Me: “Erm… no.. I don’t think I do have a picture of myself with me at… the moment…..I don’t.. know if people.. usually do … carry pictures.. of them-”
Principal: “Okay, then attach a picture of you to the documents! So they can see who you are!” (he laughs hard)
Me: “haha…erm.. I will see if I have one in my email….”
Principal : “haha!! Yes. Okay Buss! Enjoy the day!”
Me: “Yeah! You too! See you later…!”

I printed of my application letter, and attached my passport photo in half it’s original resolution.


I walk into my regular 2pm 7th grade biology class. 69 kids.

Me: “Yeah hi everyone! Nice to see you too and that… Okay, sit down now please…..”
Me: “Good, yeah okay, you don’t all need to do that….every time……..how are you all? How was lunch?”
About 40 different kids: “Sir! sir! it was good sir!!! (and a lot more that I couldn’t make out)
Me: “Okay! Okay! Okay! Good! Good! Let’s settle down now!….lunch is over…….. Ernesto!!! Sit down!!”
Ernesto: “haha yes sir!”
Me: “Right-
Baby-Jane (real name, I swear): “Sirwhatarewegoingtodotoday!!!!!?????”
Me: “I was just getting to that! Jane! … Baby-Jane I mean….”
Sir: “Sir, you can call me baby”

…class laughs…

Me: “What?! No! …look can we all just calm down… I’m definitely not going to call you baby!!! Just… Okay… Today we are going to talk about plant cells!”
Me: “Oh my god, what now?!”
Joanna: “Sirrrr! Plants are so boring, they don’t move!”
Me: “Okay, let’s just… Okay.. That’s not entirely true.. Just ..very slowly.. OKAY! Joanna, sit down. Right, let’s start.. Who can tell me the difference between an animal cell and a plant cell?”
Me: “Okay!! Man!! Tell me about godd-….. dolphins then!!!!! Geeeeez!
Me: “Well?”
Crystal: “They are mammals that swim in the water sir!”
Me: “Good. Okay. Done. Now. Where do plants get their energy from?”

That is a typical start to most of my lessons.

More soon!